When I woke up this morning my life isn’t anything that I ever imagined. Almost thirty, no mortgage, no husband and no family of my own. The 19 year old me would think I was a complete failure. My highs are really high and my lows are really low. By this age I thought I would have it together!
I literally dreamed of having it all. Barefoot, pregnant in the kitchen dancing sideways with my husband while our toddler bounced on his hip. Just singing laughing and trying not to burn the pancakes. All of this while running a six figure photography business, growing a garden and booking weddings at our family’s home grown wedding venue. (Imagine Chip and Joanna’s farm house!)
This is what I thought I wanted. Now don’t get me wrong, I want that kitchen and that life more than anything. But I didn’t realize what I needed before this fairy tale was possible. I needed failure and struggles. I needed a couple broken hearts and above all I needed self love. The kind of self love that’s unbreakable. Not the kind I would just look in the mirror to feel confident one day and miserable the next. The unconditional love and happiness from within. The kind of love that grows and ages like a fine wine.
You see I’ve come to realize that life doesn’t go as we plan. We can hope, pray and work hard, but ultimately God has your plan. Coming to this realization makes me realize that the reason why only one of those check points on my list has come true by this age is because I worked my butt off every single day focusing on my business. My business is something I can control. A tangible (sort of) thing that I have worked for and nobody can take away from me. My camera will never wake up one morning and decide it doesn’t love me. Okay, it may decide to crap out on me or have a technical issue, but unlike humans those babies already have a back up and amazon prime is just a click away!
Every other aspect of my life takes time. Takes experiences and are crammed with life lessons. It’s truly about patience. A determination to not settle. To not live in comfort zones and to shatter the dreams, even better than I could have ever imagined. From this day forward I choose happiness. Happiness is what drove my business and it’s what drives my future. A future to be proud of.
I pray that you follow your heart and choose happiness as well. If you feel something is off, it is. If you feel your cereal tastes funny, stop slurping the spoiled milk. If you feel stuck in the mud, run barefoot! If you feel a gut instinct, listen. If you’re feeling hungry, eat the cake! Just do it.
For my birthday this year I treated myself to a photo shoot! An opportunity for me to get in front of the camera. A time to get dolled up and feel beautiful from the inside out. This time of my life I actually feel in control. It’s a time for me to make choices and decisions for me. Not what everyone else wants, not even what the 19 year old version of myself wanted. But what I want for me, for the rest of my life.
It’s truly as simple as wanting to be happy.
Many thanks to these beautiful souls and creative hearts that helped bring my visions for this shoot alive!
Photography: Yasmin Roohi Photography
Hair and Make Up: Isabel Jackson
Calligraphy: Andrea Comenta
Cake: Just Bakecause
Mint Dress: H&M
If you liked this post, you’ll LOVE these…